June 15, 2007
U.S. Capitol Full of Crap
People around the country have long complained that politicians are full of it. Now their workplace is too. The story, apparently broken by Roll Call, is that on Wednesday, workers found at least three piles of poo (yes, actual poo) in the hall on the Senate side of the building, and possibly some more in a gallery overlooking the Senate chamber.
There have been piles of questions about this - some have speculated it was an accident by a kid (who must have really had to go), that it was some political statement by one or more adults judging by the sheer amount of doody, or maybe it was brought from elsewhere since nobody spotted the offender(s) in action. The Capitol Police (and unfortunate janitors) have no suspects yet.
We have a few theories on this: the obvious one is that somebody let a monkey loose, though it would be much less hilarious if it were PETA behind it. Another more (or less, depending) politically astute guess is that it's an act by supporters of Minnesota's "Poop Bill." The bill allows people with Crohn's Disease, which causes sudden diarrhea, to access employee restrooms. Or maybe the Capitol has its own Suzanne Butts, who stole toilet paper from an Iowa county courthouse. It could be part of a new Jackass movie — after all, they already had somebody poop in a hardware store. Or maybe a group of disgruntled plumbers are tired of the regulations in their industry? We sure hope it wasn't D.C. voting rights supporters, that is not the kind of press we're looking for.
Got any more theories? Can anybody on the Hill give us some more info?
In any case, we really hope that someone gets to the bottom of this.
Photo by Flickr user sweet jen
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Years ago I saw a small turd outside Barney Franks office. It was small and quite well formed - not runny at all.
Some Members allow staffers (usually high maintenance CoS types) to bring their dogs to work and hang out in the office all day.
I suspect that one of these dogs dropped one in the halls of Rayburn (perhaps - I honestly can't remember which building it was) and the owner/walker ignored it.
But perhaps someone had a statement to make about Rep Frank and simply squatted down in the hall.
Quit loafing around...
This smells like a viral marketing campaign for this summer's blockbuster The Fantastic Four: The Rise of the Mad Sh***er.
And by "viral" I mean "cholera epidemic."
That's pooptastic.
I swear to god, every time I leave this site for a little bit and come back, monkeyrotica has gotten more and more demented.
I love him.
It took a couple minutes, but I figured out the significance of that photo. It's a statue depicting Turdius, the Greek god of poop, which just happens to be made of poop.
i work at a museum here and there is somebody that poops on the floor of the bathroom all the time (my office is in l'enfant plaza, not actually at the museum). i suspect it is a fetish. perhaps somebody has the same issue at the capitol. wouldnt be surprised, would you? gross.
This was happening in the place where I work many years ago. (Let's just say that it's a cultural institution with exhibits.) People told me about finding large amounts of poop on the floor of the men's room and on an out of the way staircase. I saw some on the floor in an exhibit area near an entrance. This was a heavily traveled area and there was no way anyone could undress and poop without being seen. Also, what I saw was sort of a flat square, which suggests that it was packed in a box or wrapped in plastic. I think this is one more strange thing that occurs in public buildings. Makes you think twice about lending someone your Tupperware, though.
Maybe it's horse poo? Someone scavenging from mounted Capitol police officers (do they have those?) Or a disgrunted officer him/herself?
It was the god damned terrawrists [as W pronounces it]. Maybe the damn sunnis.
Give em all the noose, but first have em wash down the floors of the senate with a tooth brush and lemon-fresh clorox.