Why doesn't anyone ever smile on the metro? Take an informal survey. People NEVER smile, unless they're talking to friends. It's so morose.

DCist started a long, inquiry and observation based response to this query, spending a week observing our fellow metro riders at various points in time (except the one night when we were way too sloshed on mulled wine to even notice if there were actually other people on the train with us.) We actually dragged our nose out of our book and took the headphones out of our iPoded ears to improve our observation powers. But we kept coming back to two important questions, a few points that need to be addressed, and one general conclusion. All of this added up to a long and thoughtfully snarky answer to this question.

First, what exactly do you consider “morose” dear reader? And secondly, what city have you been in that you have encountered a plethora of Suzie McSunshines on the daily commute? We have been in a few public transportations in our day, and can’t seem to recall one where we left saying "My goodness were those people cheerful!" Upon inspection of our D.C. fellow passengers, we didn’t notice anyone horribly doom and gloom. In fact, a good 50 percent of metro riders appear to read. Another 10-20 percent are sleeping, or at least trying really hard not to do so. Because we didn’t see an overwhelming doom and gloom riding the rails. So that leaves us with a sample size of approximately 30 percent of the metro passengers who had the opportunity to give off a morose vibe.

Now, being a non-morning person, this DCist wants to point out that traveling to a job each morning at 8 a.m. without the benefits of coffee might lend to a not so happy attitude. We feel this shouldn’t be considered “morose.” In fact, we think you are being overly sensitive if you consider our lack of how-do-ya-dos a sign of our hating the world. Oh wait, no, we suppose that their lack is a sign of our hating the world, but it is a temporary situation until the coffee gets into the system. And really, how happy can you be about having to be awake at 7 a.m. when you stayed up until after 2 a.m. because you couldn’t turn off Adult Swim? On the flip side, after a hard day dealing with people at the office, DCist can completely understand the wiped and frustrated look of the commuting public.

Another point DCist would like to make is that metro riding isn’t inherently stress free. For one, there is the temperature issue. In the summer the system can be stifling, and in the winter pounds of clothing do not fare well in a heated car. Additionally, some trains tend to utilize and excessive amount of stop-and-go action, particularly during the morning or evening rush. Now, sometimes you might see DCist looking like they may kill the person next to them on the train, but in fact we are merely repeating "don’t puke, don’t puke, don’t puke" to ourselves. We know others have had this very same issue. These physical problems coupled with noisy and disorganized tour groups, pole huggers, people who do not move into the center of the car, and the wonderful cramming that occurs on certain days make for a none to pleasant experience. And when those things aren’t present, the unfortunate fact of the matter is that riding the metro is slightly tainted with past memories of unpleasant situations that our subconscious may very well be unearthing.

In conclusion Charlie Chipper, DCist disagrees with your observation that DC metro riders are "morose." Certainly there is a dour ride or two that brings us down, but as a whole we disagree that the WMATA system is home to the doom and gloom club. And quite frankly people sitting on the train smiling into space like idiots gives us a strong creeped out feeling. We aren’t sure we want our commute peppered with random cheerful people striking up conversation, offering Ned Flanders-esque salutations, or perhaps coordinating a group sing. Ok, that’s a lie, we would LOVE to see a group sing on the metro ala "Tiny Dancer" in the movie "Almost Famous". Actually those folks were pretty depressed at the start of that scene. Our suggestion to you dear reader is that you try to lead your next depressed train in a rousing rendition. If you survive, we would love to hear your tale. Actually, please let us know when and where this will occur, we may send down a camera to do some investigative reporting.